Jumping in

Well well well… where have I been? I’ve been seeing a guy but it’s died already (not him, I didn’t murder him… the relationship has died).

Our first date was nothing out of the ordinary. We went to meet at a bar on a Sunday afternoon and it wasn’t opened, so we went on a bit of a pub crawl until we finally found somewhere open. He was very easy to talk to. He came back to my house, we watched Netflix, we didn’t chill, we made out, it was very nice.

That was 8 weeks ago. It was going well but he had some issues, I had one. I felt like he wasn’t very good at communicating.

Anyway I had to call it after he went awol from some mental health issues, which is so fine, I’m not a monster, I knew this going in and was fine with it but I couldn’t read his mind. Basically after sleeping with someone for a couple of months and talking to them daily it’s not okay to just drop off the face of the planet and also make effort from your mates. I must remember my worth and had to shut it down.

Bit of a kick in the teeth. Did I think he was “the one”? No. Did I like his company? Yes. So feeling a bit lonely and honestly not that interested in dating anyone else right now. We’ll see.

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Welp, I fucked up

So the dude from the last post didn’t text me the following week as he said he would. I messaged him and eventually we got onto that he’d be going to a gig with some friends. To me it was a very “I’m just not that into you” response. My housemates said maybe that’s how he sees a 2nd date going and other excuses but I know in my gut, if he wanted to see me, he’d have made it happen. 

Due to a terrible choice in showing the wrong person at work some attention my self confidence hit an all time low on the night of the gig. 

After being pursuaded by my friend to go to see the band (she and her husband came with me). I awkwardly avoided eye contact and never spoke to the guy and went home feeling really embarrassed and ashamed. 

I felt like this dude was too cool for me and if he wanted to see me, he’d have made it happen. I did not feel worthy of him. 

So long story short I’ve acted like a bloody weirdo and am home before 11 on a Friday night feeling very unlovable and thinking I need a break from dating for a while. Dear god, I fucked it!