I know you’re no good for me but sitting here alone sucks

Must not reach out. It’s such torture. I want to sit on the couch next to you. You’re so sexy and smell so great but I know you’re not willing to fall in love with me. My heart hurts.

Advertisements

Where’s my gold star?

I did the right thing this time.

I waited, well technically and that’s what matters. He was hard to resist, not that he was trying or pushy.

I thought I would get a gold star not a sad Sunday afternoon feeling numb, worthless and empty. Left mere moments after to clean himself up and not return.

I’m hopeful it had nothing to do with me but I have unfortunately taken it very personally.

Why is it always so hard?

Jumping in

Well well well… where have I been? I’ve been seeing a guy but it’s died already (not him, I didn’t murder him… the relationship has died).

Our first date was nothing out of the ordinary. We went to meet at a bar on a Sunday afternoon and it wasn’t opened, so we went on a bit of a pub crawl until we finally found somewhere open. He was very easy to talk to. He came back to my house, we watched Netflix, we didn’t chill, we made out, it was very nice.

That was 8 weeks ago. It was going well but he had some issues, I had one. I felt like he wasn’t very good at communicating.

Anyway I had to call it after he went awol from some mental health issues, which is so fine, I’m not a monster, I knew this going in and was fine with it but I couldn’t read his mind. Basically after sleeping with someone for a couple of months and talking to them daily it’s not okay to just drop off the face of the planet and also make effort from your mates. I must remember my worth and had to shut it down.

Bit of a kick in the teeth. Did I think he was “the one”? No. Did I like his company? Yes. So feeling a bit lonely and honestly not that interested in dating anyone else right now. We’ll see.

What’s love got to do, got to do with it? 

I went on a date on Wednesday night. He was lovely and easy to talk to. We got a drink, then he suggested dinner and he drove me home. He added me on Facebook shortly after and asked me out last night. Except by out it ended up being in at his place. I said let’s go out and do something fun but in the end he just wanted to go to his place. The predictable thing happened. 

I really thought this one has keeper qualities. I know I could’ve left and not slept with him but I kind of resigned myself to the fact that’s all he was interested in. 

What a shame. My heart hurts a little from this one. 

Welp, I fucked up

So the dude from the last post didn’t text me the following week as he said he would. I messaged him and eventually we got onto that he’d be going to a gig with some friends. To me it was a very “I’m just not that into you” response. My housemates said maybe that’s how he sees a 2nd date going and other excuses but I know in my gut, if he wanted to see me, he’d have made it happen. 

Due to a terrible choice in showing the wrong person at work some attention my self confidence hit an all time low on the night of the gig. 

After being pursuaded by my friend to go to see the band (she and her husband came with me). I awkwardly avoided eye contact and never spoke to the guy and went home feeling really embarrassed and ashamed. 

I felt like this dude was too cool for me and if he wanted to see me, he’d have made it happen. I did not feel worthy of him. 

So long story short I’ve acted like a bloody weirdo and am home before 11 on a Friday night feeling very unlovable and thinking I need a break from dating for a while. Dear god, I fucked it! 

You’re as cool as ice

So I went on a first date last night. I had only been speaking to this guy on Tinder over the weekend. Very minimal chat but I liked what I saw, I asked him out and he said let’s get the drink the next night. 

I was a bit anxious when I got to the pub for said date because his photos were pretty inconsistent on Tinder, hair lengths and facial hair were very different in each picture. I felt his first profile picture had very strong Kurt Cobain vibes 6 weeks before he died (I was into that) so I wasn’t 100% sure who I was looking for.

I had pretty low expectations (for reasons unknown) but they were well and truely met. I just really enjoyed talking to him, it was easy. I did the cardinal sin of talking about past lovers on a first date but talking about past experiences is fun. 

This gentleman was well and truely far cooler than I. He seemed to have a lot of cool, intense and interesting things happen in his life which I’m sure I just touched the surface of. I on the other hand, am not cool and will try to hide said fact for as long as possible!

We talked until the pub staff turned the lights on and wanted to go home. At the end he said let’s catch up next week and I hope we do. 

Too fast, too shit

So I went on a date on a public holiday. The guy was from Melbourne but after a truely horrible experience with my ex this weekend I was happy to go out with anyone even if there was no long term prospects.

The guy was cute but a bit nerdier than his tinder photos indicated. The first hour was easy to talk. The guy was driving so only had one drink which I think didn’t help for a long night

I decided to have another drink. When I came back he wouldn’t stop talking about The Fast and The Furious franchise. It was weird. I said that I hadn’t seen any which also didn’t help. I don’t care about The Rock I’m affraid.

The bar staff come over and told us that they needed the table in an hour, I said we’d go and he offered us a shot and we were like “don’t worry about it.” I used this time to escape the ongoing Vin Diesel talk and get the hell out of there. The bar dude came back with two shots. My date said no cause he was driving, a tipsy table next to us started egging me on so I had two shots and walked home alone, a bit tipsy and my heart in a lot of pain because of another man.

Dateless in Seattle

So last night I was meant to go on a coffee date, dude cancelled because of work.

I was meant to go on a date tonight with a different dude. We arranged it last week, I messaged him last night to see if we’re still on. He hasn’t replied. I can see he’s been online today but obviously doesn’t feel the need to respond.

Now this doesn’t normally happen to me, guys normally keep first dates. I am feeling pretty low already and this is a kick in the teeth but the reality is I don’t even know these guys, they owe me nothing. This is the downfall of online dating, there is no obligation to treat strangers with respect.

Hopefully I have something new to add here soon (mainly that I’m engaged to Jake Gyllenhaal)!

 

The Terrible Two’s

So last night, just over a week after I went on my first date with this guy, I went on date number two. The communication leading up to  the date was not great on his behalf, he didn’t respond for days at a time on the dating app so I wasn’t sure what exactly was happening but we got there in the end.

We went to the movies at a place where I went with my ex. I remember the date with my ex  was about date 4 and I had already started to full down the lust trap so I was in a very different place.

The guy rocked up to the movies about 5 minutes before it started which was fine but he was flustered and said something about the traffic. Then when we went to pay for the tickets I volunteered to pay as he bought the drinks on the first date. Though my $6 champagne was a bit more of a bargain then the $22.00 movie tickets.

We sat down and we chatted a bit but it’s hard in a room full of people and then the previews started to play and it was all over. We saw Kong Skull Island, whilst he suggested the film, I didn’t hold it against him but it was genuinely one of the worst films I had ever seen which I thought would be a good conversation starter for after the movie but he felt the need to defend it. We walked down the street and it was a bit awkward, conversation wasn’t flowing so I asked him to drop me home, he seemed anxious “how far away is it?” He said he hadn’t been in the city for a long time. I live and work in the CBD so that perplexes me a bit but also I live in one of the smallest CBD’s in Australia, it really isn’t intimidating (well I sure as shit don’t think so). As we drove home I felt like the date had turned into an interview, me asking him questions, he in turn not really asking me any.

When he dropped me home he didn’t park properly in a park so I just jumped out with neither of us seeming particularly happy.

If he asked me on another date I would probably go for the sake of this experiment but I wouldn’t be looking forward to it.

I feel like I’m getting over my ex much quicker now but it’s so hard for me not to compare our second date. We spent all day together, there were no awkward pauses and we stayed up all night laughing, chatting and fucking. That was the best date of my life. Must try and stop reminiscing about it and stop comparing. Fingers crossed.